According to statistics, a normal family size for American families these days is 2.5 kids. Folks are surprised when we tell them we had six crammed into eight years and often ask how we did it. Chaos can be the norm when you are in the middle of it. Perhaps a better question might be how well we coped and kept our sanity. It wasn’t by meditating, that’s for sure. I tried that once and fell asleep. No, I think it was by screening out the nuggets of joy each day; those little gold pieces that come from the children themselves. For me, when I mined that gold I gleaned the awareness of joy and laughter in a child’s life to tickle my day. Kids bring that, along with a lot of noise.
Rather than being refined by the fire of a past chaotic life, I like to think that I have distilled to become a peaceful, content person. Silence helps. I now read a lot of books written by smart monks who meditate and find infinite peace in the present moment. I’m pretty sure most monks never had kids. So how to survive childhood wouldn’t be on their “Been There, Done That list. What they do encourage is being present in every moment, which doesn’t quite work for parents. Especially, when they are trying to avoid the present by turning off the noise just to preserve their sanity. Perhaps what a parent needs to do is accept the unavoidable chaos that comes with raising a family and plan or search for opportunities for finding the gold.
The Family
This week we have our son and his family staying with us. Despite the weather being uncooperative, with many grey days, the times together have been pure gold.
A year ago, we joined another son’s family, along with two dogs, and took off one weekend on a fabulous autumn day in the Alberta Rockies to climb a trail called Rawson Lake. Since it was designated by Parks Alberta as being a moderate climb, the family figured grannie could handle it.
The climb from Rawson Lake to the top of the trail was, they assured me, a mere 2,000 foot gain. Puff puff. I only had to stop about a dozen times to catch my breath. Our sons waited on the trail for me while I caught it (perhaps a bit worried that at my age, I might not). I’m pretty sure I also caught a look of reproach from the dogs as they tugged on their leashes, desperate to catch up to the others.
Once we emerged at a little alpine lake, puffs became gasps when I took in the sight. Embraced by soaring mountains and sparkling clear blue waters, I was struck to the heart and just saturated with the marvel of that infinite lavishness.
While the adults paused to enjoy the view, the children embodied it, zooming across the meadow, fierce emissaries of joy streaming from them like sunlight. Watching them, I recalled the simple, snatched moments of uncomplicated pleasure one gains from just being present in a child’s life. It is there we find the gold when times are spent together.
